One of the most difficult aspects of being a new boss, is having difficult conversations. These can include but are not limited to: delivering bad news, addressing poor performance, Investigating complaints, dispute resolutions, reporting on grievances such as bullying or inappropriate behavior. However, difficult conversations present an opportunity for growth for both you and the team member when you transition from being a boss to a coach. Difficult conversations teach you more about yourself than the simple ones do.

How does one learn to engage in challenging conversations? You must have them. You must be prepared to experience discomfort, make mistakes, and grow from them.

All of us enter our roles bringing with us all we have experienced up to this point. Our perspectives on how to engage with others, handle conflict (or how to avoid it), and empathise are shaped by the circumstances in which we were raised. All of these essential conflict resolution techniques are not taught to children in schools.

The adults we eventually become then enter the workforce with a variety of perspectives and must somehow know how to handle these challenging situations. We detest difficult discussions because:

1. We lack the ability to handle them.
2. We don't want to offend anyone.
3. We have developed a habit of conflict avoidance.

The consequences of avoiding these dialogues are actually very serious. Based on recent research studies, 70% of workers avoid having unpleasant talks with their supervisor, coworkers, or direct reports. Companies actually lose money, time, and employee engagement as a result.

Maybe you haven't encountered a challenging circumstance yet, but let's jump right in and make sure you're prepared for these kinds of conversations:

In actuality, these conversations typically cannot wait. Waiting can have a negative effect on the individual, your team, and yes...you. Similar to offering feedback, how you START the discussion can significantly influence how successfully you communicate with people in person. In order to level the playing field when you approach a conflict situation, consider the following conversation starters:

• "There's something I think we should talk about that will help us work together better."
• "I'd want to discuss with you about _________ , but first I'd like to hear your perspective."
• "I suppose our viewpoints on are different about ________. I'm interested in learning your perspective on it.
• "I would like to see if we can reach a consensus on ___________ . I genuinely want to appreciate your viewpoint while also expressing mine.

These challenging discussion starters aid in breaking up fear and emphasising that there will be an exchange. Take note that there is no condemnation of the potential variances. In order to be a good leader, you must do this. To be able to foster mutual respect as you work and lead others, you must accept that there are people who have valid ideas that you may not share and comprehend.

Yes, you can prepare for a challenging talk, colour coded calendars. You don't want to OVERPLAN, though. Allow some of it to be natural. It can be difficult to believe in oneself, but keep in mind that you can always laugh at your own expense later with a friend. Here is some advice on getting ready for these discussions:

• Decide what YOU and the team member want to get out of the conversation.
• Decide on a discussion starter. Have a rough idea, but don't overplan it.
• Even if you disagree, apply your active listening abilities to better grasp the speaker's viewpoint.
• What has to be said that is the MOST important?
• What data, if any, are you going to need to back up the conversation?
• Prepare for a few potential reactions and think through how you'll respond to each. This is just some batting practise for the big game; it's not meant to scare you.
• What is the BEST possible outcome? (Yes, let's approach this with optimism. We frequently enter a state of doom and gloom, which makes difficult conversations like this one more difficult than necessary.)
• What are the next steps you need to discuss in conversation? Is there anything we need to follow up on from this conversation?

Keep in mind that our FEAR of having these difficult talks is typically greater than the conversation itself. Keep in mind the COST of waiting before you let out a loud sigh of relief after you get one. Don't think twice about it; just DO IT!